Reflection On The 1981 Springbok Tour

Paragraph A First attempt

Hearing chants as a in unison was annoying, All the rugby fans wanted was just to watch the rugby team play the game. I had got taken out of school early to watch the Hamilton Game in the year of 1981.It was a cold day with strong winds. Clouds everywhere in sight with people stacked in every corner of my eye.

Paragraph A Second Attempt

Hearing chants as a in unison was humongously interrupting. All the rugby fans wanted to do was to watch the rugby teams play the game. I had got picked up from  school early to watch the Hamilton Game in the year of 1981.  It was a freezing day with howling winds. Clouds everywhere in eye view, with people stacked in every corner of the Hamilton Stadium.

Paragraph B Attempt 1

The game never went on the protesters got what they wanted and stop the Hamilton game, but if they had of let the game go on the would of been no head injuries and no can throwing towards the protesters. The stadium could of been much cleaner without cans all over the field.

Paragraph B Attempt 2

The game stopped the protesters got what they wanted and cancelled  the Hamilton game, but if they had of let the game go on the would of been no injuries at all and no can throwing towards the protesters n the rugby field. The stadium could of been much cleaner without cans all over the field.  

Writing Checklist

Make a copy of this, paste it under your writing then fill it out. Assess your writing without doing any fixing. When you have finished reflecting make a copy of your writing and paste it under your assessment. Fix up the areas you were weak in.

Is My Writing Effective? (Sentence/Paragraph Level)    Rate how well you have done these things for each paragraph. 1 = poorly, 5 = very well.               Par a Before Par a After Par b Before Par b After My paragraph is about one MAIN idea, 3 4 2 3 My paragraph has more than one sentence.  (usually 2-4) 5 5 5 5 The sentences are connected and build up the MAIN idea? (i.e.  taken something from the previous sentence/s to build on. 3 4 2 3 My sentences in my paragraphs begin in different ways. 3 5 2 3 The sentences are varied.  e.g. in length, in complexity 4 5 3 4 I used different types of sentences?   e.g Statements(.) Questions(?) Exclamations(!) OR Speech (“ “) 2 2 1 3 I have carefully chosen words/vocabulary in my sentences. 5 5 3 4 My sentences and paragraphs meet the purpose. 4 5 2 3 My sentences/paragraphs appeal to the reader/audience. i.e. by including literary techniques- similes/metaphors/alliteration/assonance etc humour 3 4 2 3 I have checked my writing for grammatical, punctuation and spelling errors. Check word endings/plural e.g was instead of were. ‘of’ instead of ‘have’. 5 5 3 4 Is My Writing Effective? (Whole Text Level)   I can identify what/who my topic/purpose/audience is. My topic is logically and effectively developed. Each paragraph links well to previous and to the next? Cohesion. My ideas are sequenced properly. They in the right order. For the identified audience, is it precise enough. I have given enough information in the first paragraph to orient my readers about what is going on/what my topic is I have concluded my writing well so my reader is not left hanging. Something to watch out for!!!! Is my writing clunky? Have I unnecessarily repeated words/phrases/names where a pronoun would do. Have I made some sentences too long when I could say the same thing more succinctly.